Micheal J. Banks

HOW WE MET #1: Wing Woman

HOW WE MET #1: Wing Woman

I’ll set the scene for you.. I was 19 at the time and my best friend was throwing a sophisticatedly scauldy gaf party. The aul session was in full flow. The chung ones were blaring ‘Sia – Chandelier’ on repeat like a broken record, screaming the wrong lyrics like cats being dragged through a bush.

The lads were proudly towering the empty cans into a pyramid. One couple arguing in the corner.. herself puking her ring up on the new suede sofa and himself chivalrously holding back her hair nagging, “I f*cking told you not to drink so much, it’s not even 9:00 yet”. You know yourself, your usual youthful cultured soirée.

I asked one of the girls to bring as many foxy females as she possibly could. This female friend of mine was towering over me with legs up to her chin, so there wasn’t a hope in hell it’d work between us. So my friend finally arrived, almost ducking under the door frame just to get into the gaf. She appeared to be alone until she walked past me and there she was.. her new best friend following behind.

Looking all Summery with subtle smirk and daffodil flip flops. My jaw dropped to the floor and my eyebrows nearly shot up past the ceiling. ‘Jesus, Mary, and Joe Duffy’ I thought to myself.. ‘Who and where has this girl been hiding all my life’. I quickly snapped out of my dosey daze to smoothly introduce myself. Channelling my inner Sean Connery. She just gave a look of ‘Who the f*ck does this fella think he is’.

I knew I had to tactical, I didn’t want to come on too strong so I let her settle into the party. Hoping some of the lads would make a fool of themselves so then I could swoop in after and make my move. As the evening carried on I just couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was the perfect combination of cute and sexy and I just had to have her. I raided my mate’s room to drown myself in aftershave and I must have gone through an entire packet of chewing gum just to stay minty fresh.

I eventually got chatting to her and separated her from the herd. I pretended I couldn’t hear her over the poxy music just so I could get her alone outside. We stayed up all night just talking, laughing, and smooching up a storm.. on the suede vomit-covered sofa. Sounds scauldy, but to me.. I was in absolute heaven. It felt like we were the only two people in the world. We were the last two to leave the following morning, neither of us wanted it to end.

And it didn’t, it was only the beginning. We ended up staying together for a year and a half. She was my first love.

— ‘Sean Connery’ (Anonymous Dubliner)



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