Micheal J. Banks

Disaster Date #2: Kinky Knife

Disaster Date #2: Kinky Knife

We were seeing each other a while, the sex was great. At least I thought it was anyway. This girl made 50 Shades of Grey look like Winnie The Pooh, which I loved and never complained about until this day in particular. One morning we were lying in bed together and we were chatting about how we could spice things up in the bedroom to keep it exciting.

Each encounter had progressively gotten kinkier and kinkier over time. So she says to me “well there is one thing I’ve fantasized about..”. I was preying it would be a magical four-letter word beginning with ‘A’. So I reassured her that this was a safe place, I’m open-minded and that I’d be open to trying whatever.. at the back of my mind I was thinking it surely has to be the key to the back door. But no I was sorely mistaken..

She brushes her ‘shyness’ to the side, stares at my chest, and says.. “What if we were to..” (“Please god just say it!”) “..ehmmm.. what if we were to bring a knife into the bedroom..” (I immediately froze in fear and stayed silent to find out how dark and twisted her mind really was.) I swear to god her pupils were fully dilated and she didn’t blink once as she continued, “..and if I just cut your chest a little bit, even a just small trickle of blood would be so sexy”.

Thank god she was intensely looking at my chest because if she had have seen the look of fear on my face that would have been the end of us. Now in saying that, we didn’t last much longer after that eye-opening morning.

And just F.Y.I. I respectfully and fearfully declined her sexually sadistic request and carried on about my day. Looking back on it now, I should have realised that her extreme love for Twilight would have been a sexual gateway to lead to these freaky fantasies.

— ‘Winnie The Pooh’ (Anonymous Dubliner)



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