Micheal J. Banks

Getting Back into the Dating Game

Getting Back into the Dating Game

Whether you’re newly single or are getting back into the dating game, it can be a daunting and intimidating experience for a lot of people. I mentioned in a recent article ‘Looking for Love During Lockdown’ (Tap To See) how to go about meeting someone and finding love during lockdown. Check that out first to get you started. If you’re looking to find someone through online dating, I’d suggest you check out another previous article ‘How To Maximise The Potential Of Your Online Dating Profile’ (Tap To See). These two articles should help get you up and running with finding someone.

As soon as you’re ready to meet someone in person or online dating you will still have some nerves when it comes to actually asking someone out on a date. You need to decide beforehand what you’re looking for and what you’re comfortable doing. Are you looking for something serious or something casual ? This will cut out a lot of bullsh*t when dealing with potential candidates. There’s no point entertaining someone that just wants the ride when you’re looking for something serious and visa versa. You’ll be wasting both of your time and energy. Be completely honest from the start and ask them what they’re looking for or tell them what you’re looking for to make sure you’re both on the same page.

If you’re rusty to dating then I’d suggest you stick to a type of date that you’ll be comfortable and confident with. Don’t feel peer pressured into saying yes to whatever they suggest, just because you’re afraid to rock the boat. If you don’t want to go for drinks or straight over to their place then just stand your ground and suggest what you’d like to do instead. I’d always recommend going for a coffee (or hot chocolate) and a stroll on the first date just to test the water. You might think it’s a little boring and simple but the beauty of a coffee date is;

(1.) You’ll only spend about €7.
(2.) You don’t have to go overboard getting ready and can just dress casually slick.
(3.) You’re not tied into an entire evening of dinner and drinks.
(4.) The date can be short enough to find out if you actually want to see them again.
(5.) If it’s going well then you can decide to do something fun afterward, which will come across as spontaneous.
(6.) If it doesn’t go well you can just end the date as soon as you’ve drunk your coffee, because that’s all you’ve agreed to.
(7.) If you can’t get along doing something simple like this then it was never going to work out.

If you’re anxious about not knowing what to say or running out of conversation then stick to the ‘What Where When Why Which How’s’. Just by starting your questions with these will give more room for the conversation to grow. If you start all your questions with “Are you..?” “Do you..?” “Is it..?” “Did you..? You’ll just end up getting YES or NO replies. This makes the conversation feel like an interrogation or an interview, which will get really boring really fast. The ‘What Where When Why Which How’s’ lets you really get to know the person in depth and will you help you connect to them emotionally. EXAMPLE;

Conversation A
You: Are you studying something in college?
Them: Yeah, Law in Trinity
You: Do you like it?
Them: Yeah it’s grand
You: Cool
Them: Yup

Conversation B
You: What are you doing in college?
Them: I’m studying Law in Trinity
You: Oh wow, how are you finding that so far?
Them: It’s tough studying and working part-time but yeah it’s grand I love it so far, what about yourself?
You: Why did you choose that course?
Them: My dad is a solicitor, so I would like to get into the family business with him and help people who need it.

BOOM! Look at the difference already, ‘Conversation A’ is already dead and they’ll be bored as f*ck. ‘Conversation B’ has set you up for a full-blown conversation. Already within those first 3 questions you’ve found out about their family, the reason for their career choice, and that they’re a kind motivated individual. Just a slight rephrase in questioning has given you a better chance of an emotional connection and the opportunity to have endless follow-up questions about their passion, family. Also, it gives them a chance to return the questions for you to tell them about your family, career, and passions.

If the first date goes well, you ask the right type of questions and you listen, then you’ll know what to do with them for your second date. If they didn’t reveal too much and you found that they were hard to read then keep an eye on Dating Dublin’s posts for upcoming events, date spots and date ideas to give you inspiration for what to do on your second date.

Always be safe and take the proper precautions when dating;
(1.) Tell a friend where and who you’re going on a date with.
(2.) Meet somewhere very public.
(3.) Have an exit strategy if you feel uncomfortable.

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